I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
