Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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