you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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