i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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