She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
