I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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