I could make wine with my vomit
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
