Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize