How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize