dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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