think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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