This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
