yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
