He had one of those small greek statue penises
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
