she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
