saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
