Your tits are I can't wait for
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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