dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
