Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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