You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
