5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
