In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
