Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
