I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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