The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
