Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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