Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
