Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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