Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Randomize
