It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
