Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
