don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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