I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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