I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
