All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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