Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
