I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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