is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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