nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
