We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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