I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
