It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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