i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
