Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
