You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
