Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize