Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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