i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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