fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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