She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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