I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
