just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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