All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
