He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
