My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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