Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
