you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
last night I used snow as a chaser
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
