you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
