i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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