I think I won the penis lottery.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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