Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
