I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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