we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
