Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
