honey bunches of taint.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
